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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

This ain't your daddy's porn...

When Alison Tyler informed us that Violet Blue was going to be on Oprah, and that the Queen of Daytime TV was FINALLY going to do a show on erotica and pornography, I immediately set my PVR to record the show.

In my opinion, it's about time that pornography and erotica are brought to the forefront in society. For years, they've been taboo subjects, only brought up in back rooms and at poker games with the guys. Women whispered about it, sneaking stealthily into shops to gaze with envy and wonder at the women on the covers of the videotapes and DVD's, but never realizing what exactly it was all about.

I started with my dad's Playboys when I was younger. I gazed in awe at the gorgeous women with the perfect bodies and wondered if I was ever going to look like that. For the record, I also found the comics incredibly amusing - lol. But not once did I ever actually read the articles.

Then, when snooping in my great-grandmothers basement, I came across an erotic novel called My Sexy Sis. I snuck it out of the house and brought it home to read. It was my first foray into the written world of erotica. It was hot, it was steamy, and it brought me many self-induced orgasms. My older brother stole it and it made it's way around his friends and eventually, around his high school. I never did get it back for the record. LOL.

I've always been fascinated with sex. At school, in health and religion classes, they always tried telling us that it was meant for married people only, and we were supposed to wait until we were in love.

I did. My first actual sexual encounter was when I was 18 and with my first boyfriend. BUT, I would like to mention that it wasn't for lack of interest with other guys - it was lack of interest FROM other guys. When we were younger, it was all about appearances. And I wasn't the prettiest or the hottest girl in school - despite having huge tits. I also had bad frizzy hair and glasses. Even when I finally got contacts, my hips were proportionate to my breasts and even playing sports did nothing for my popularity with the guys.

But, I'd always been interested in sex. My cousin and I used to mastrubate together when we were kids, not thinking that anything was wrong with it. Our innocence allowed us to experience the joys of orgasms, without realizing that society was frowning on us. In retrospect, I think that it was probably those incidents that brought out my bi-sexuality. We would act out sex scenes with our Barbie and Ken dolls late at night during sleepovers. I'm sure she's forgotten all about them, but she was always the "good" one. LOL.

So, with my interest in sex being as deep rooted as it is, my husband being an avid viewer of porn, and being a huge fan of Violets, I couldn't wait to see what Oprah had planned.

It was very tastefully done. Jenna was a jewel, exposing not only her previous life, but her current life for millions of viewers, and giving some very good sound bites about the industry. I think the best advice she gave the masses was about boob jobs - DON'T DO IT. She exposed exactly how much work it is to be a porn star - the upkeep and maintenance of her body being a huge job, not just something that comes naturally. I mean, if the average woman finds it a pain to always be tanning and "landscaping" their bodies just to be attractive to their partners, can you imagine how much work it must be to remain attractive to millions of people who count on you to spice up their sex lives?

I love that they brought up erotica as a tool to empower women, in the bedroom, and realistically, it can empower them outside of the bedroom too. Imagine having the best sex ever with your man, after viewing one of the tastefully produced videos from Lori Moore AKA Sky Blue over at Playgirl, and then walking out in the real world to do a deal across the boardroom table. That confidence just oozes out your pores.

But as I'm watching, I'm reading the comments left by viewers and am totally amazed and partially disgusted by the attitudes that the viewers had. They argued that it wasn't empowerment to show the younger generation that taking your clothes off for millions of people can be the gateway to fame and fortune - it was simply an act of enslavement. I don't see how that is possible. If educated properly, the women making the active choice to participate in this life style are doing so for their own reasons, whether it's love of fame, love of money or love of sex. And if we keep porn and erotica and all that goes with it in the back rooms of seedy video stores, how can we possibly educate them at all?

Some bring up very good points about the psychological damage it can do to a relationship and a family, however, I think that had these people been introduced to the actual JOYS of sex instead of the taboo side of it - ie/ it's only for married couples in loving relationships - I honestly believe that attitudes would change. Again, EDUCATION.

And yes, some make the arguements of HIV and other STD's running rampant. But those in charge of the industry today are taking responsibility, setting up clinics, having on call doctors and ensuring that each performer gets checked regularly. Those test results, as shown on Oprah, must be provided at each and every shoot before a performer is allowed to participate. Yes, there are chances that something could have been picked up within the time between the test and the shoot, but it's like anything in life - you could step out your front door and get hit by a bus. In every day life, random things happen. It's just what life is.

One of the things I love about Alison Tyler, and the others who visit, comment, write and produce blogs books and videos for this "industry" as it were (myself included) is that we are taking back women's sexuality.

We are putting ourselves in charge of our bodies and the decisions of what we do with them. I've always been disgusted that men can sleep with as many women as they want to and be called a stud, but if a women does it, she's misguided and labelled a slut.

The fact that such narrow-minded attitudes STILL exist in todays world just goes to show that we're on the right track. We are re-educating the masses and we shouldn't stop.

Porn is an active part of society, and it's mainstreaming as we speak. So we have two choices - we can try and ignore it, forcing it into the back rooms and taboos once again, or we can bring it to the forefront, legitimize it and give the men and women the right tools to continue.

Because like it or not, sex is here, and it's here to stay.

1 horny thoughts:

Emerald said...

This strikes me as a lovely, thoughtful post Angell. Thanks!