Beginnings...or is this the end?

Remember when I said I was doing this? 

Well, I’ve finally done it.

Six years ago, I started on a journey to earn my certificate in Publishing, and ten crazy, mind-bending, incredibly educational classes later, I’m FINISHED!!

Just don’t ask me exactly what I learned. It was a harrowing experience, to say the least.

Not only was I dealing with being one of the oldest in my classes – sometimes even being older than the teachers – but in the six years it took me to do this, I lost my father, my grandfather, my surrogate grandparents, had my grandmother in the hospital several times, took care of my mom as she tried to put herself back together after my dad’s death, lost two friends to suicide, and three to cancer. My best friend was diagnosed with Parkinsons, and my father-in-law with dementia. And in all of that, fighting my internal battles with (self-diagnosed) depression, weight issues, lack of confidence and increasing self-doubt, questioning after every assignment if I was even smart enough to deserve to be there, and wondering whether or not my marriage was going to fall apart.

It’s a lot for anyone to have on their plate.

The fact I managed to graduate at all is a miracle. But I did it. Now, the question I face is the same one that graduates all over the world face once that piece of paper is in their hands – what do I do now?

My original thought was to open my own boutique e-pub house, which is why I began this in the first place; to become a writer/editor extraordinaire like my idols Alison Tyler, Sommer Marsden and Dayle Dermatis. But then, after a few courses, I realised something -  I hate editing. 

I have no patience for proper sentence structure, or the Chicago Rules of Style. I don’t care if a participle is dangling, and I could care less if I end a sentence on a preposition. The way I write is the way the language sounds to me. It’s musical and flows, and sometimes choppy and crude to fit the situation my characters are in. If I had to tear someone’s writing apart and ruin their vision because they forgot an adverb? I just couldn’t. So, no editing for me.

I found myself loving the marketing and PR classes the most. Maybe that’s where I fit in. But right now I just need to get my foot in the door.

I figure if I could start as a receptionist and work my way up, maybe that would help. And maybe, just maybe, I can finally find time to write. I'm sure you can tell from this blog - how sparse it is - that I haven't been following my bliss very well. 

Truth is, writers block has me in a tight grip - has for a long time now. The voices have stopped talking to me, and it seems like any form of inspiration deserted me a long time ago. I'm a dry well. I've never been so lacking for ideas in my life. And, though I've lamented it on this blog several times, the last six months have found me with no desire to write.

And that scares me more than not knowing what to do with my certificate. 

Even this post lacks the creativity and the wit (self proclaimed wit anyway) that I'm used to in my posts. Completely lacks organisation as well. Scattered pictures and derailed trains of thought litter my posts regularly, but this one seems a little more ... empty than usual. 

Maybe because I'm writing for the sake of putting something out there. Or maybe because I suspect I've been a talent-less hack all these years and the truth is just catching up to me now.

Wow, so we started with good news and are ending on a depressing note. 

And THAT my friends, is the story of my life. 

Counting down

Four and  a half hours left until midnight. Until the deadline for my first contest arrives.

And I've gotta tell you friends, I'm feeling mighty discouraged.

One entry. That's all I've got.

I'm not mentioning the wonderful author/authoress who submitted, because the poll will be anon if I get enough entries. But I'd like to thank her from the bottom of my heart.

I've reminded. I've joked.

I've begged.

You see, I'm never sure if I have readers or not. Hell, I'm not even sure if my IRL friends make it here or not.

But I've had a lot of support as far as advertising the contest, from May Deva, Sommer Marsden, Alison Tyler, and Aisling Weaver to name a few.

But alas, I know my fave scribes are all very busy - Sommer is editing and writing her (getting progressively smaller) ass off, Alison's To-Do list is NEVER done, and Aisling just completed a cross country move. And I can't forget my wonderful Dayle, who's husband was in a bike accident and has been keeping us posted via iPhone from his bedside. (NOTE: I'm happy to say that he's at home now recovering nicely. WTG Ken!)

So that leaves the little known writers, whom I've wanted to get to know through this contest.

But no one is reading. Or at least no one is writing.

SO, I'm hoping that this last post before the clock strikes twelve will inspire some of you to sit down and type out five-hundred little tiny words that would mean so much to me.

I thank you for reading - and hopefully for writing.

A new and exciting challenge....

Not a sex post, but one that is appropriate to post here, due to the readers I get on this blog.

I am going back to school. Well, at least that's the plan. I need to get financing in order for it, and then apply.

I am going to get my certificate in Publishing. And it is thanks to a few wonderful individuals that I met on the wonderful world wide web that I am even considering it.

However, I am TERRIFIED. I never was good in school. I was smart enough, but I hated the homework, and the classroom boundaries. And never having gone through any post secondary education, I'm wondering how I'll hold up. I haven't been in a classroom in seventeen years. I haven't had homework in that long.

But I need to do something with my life. And I love writing. But I want to help give new authors a voice.

Just like one of the women who inspired me to be here. You all know her, you all love her. Ms. Alison Tyler. She's not only one hell of a writer, but her efforts allow those of us who would normally only dream about being published, to be read by millions of people. Just check her anthology sales - her record speaks for itself.

And even when she's going through her own personal hell, she manages to focus and still produce work for us to enjoy. She still runs contests, keeps us updated, and promotes writers and Etsy artists that she finds and enjoys. She's a generous individual who gives of herself continuously. She pumps up people's egos, encourages others and is just the type of person that we all should aspire to be.

Through her blog I have discovered some incredible writers. Sommer Marsden, Jeremy Edwards, Violet Blue, Kristina Lloyd, Janine Ashbless, Madelynne Ellis, Portia Da Costa, are just a few of the amazing authors that I've discovered since finding my way to Alison's blog. They are all completely inspiring, funny, down to earth people who love what they do, and they do it well.

But, if it wasn't for one particular person, I definitely wouldn't have found my way here. We were brought together through our love of particular music acts - Styx and Lawrence Gowan.

It's all thanks to Dayle Dermatis - a.k.a Andrea Dale, Sarah Dale and one half of Sophie Mouette, and a former Lustie - that I am here. I met Dayle online years ago, and back in 2007 we met in person at Styxfest here in Orillia, Ontario. And we hit it off. She had written a book I'm sure most of you on here have already read - and if not what the hell is taking you so long? - called A Little Night Music. She directed me to Lust Bites (I'm sure some of you remember that lovely blog) and that in turn led me to Alison, and everyone else.


I've been writing since I was old enough to string a sentence together, but only ever dreamed of being published. I didn't even have a clue on how to go about it. But then Alison really enjoyed a piece I wrote for one of her posts, and included it in her anthology Frenzy.

And getting that contract in the mail was one of the best feelings in the world - second to actually SEEING my "name" in print. When I held a copy of Frenzy in my hands, I felt like I could take on the world.

And I want to help give others that feeling.

So, to all of you who've read what I've written, commented on it, voted for one of my pieces on Alison's site, or just responded to me in general, THANK YOU. Because you've contributed too.

Now, here's hoping for the best.

Alison's birthday????

Ok, I'm a bit behind on everything these days, but I had no idea how far until I visited my good friend Dayle's blog, and noticed that today we are celebrating a special birthday (we're not exactly sure WHAT day it is, but they in the blog-o-sphere have decided to break out the cake & champagne today). I figured I'd jump on board the bday train for a woman who changed my life.

So....*A-HEM* on this day mumble...mumble years ago, a new life was brought forth to us.

A baby girl, who would later on in life alter the face of written erotica as it was known. She would go on to coin several phrases, and would forever change the meaning of the word Trollop.

She is many things to many people. A giant ball of contradictions, she is what the moment dictates it needs her to be. She is shy and bold. She is confidant and insecure. She is both a day of race cars and espresso and a lazy day of margaritas and sunshine.

She is the bubbles in our champagne.

Without her, many of us wouldn't know what it is to be a published author. Without her, many of us wouldn't know how good we can be. We wouldn't strive to be better, or to even have as much fun with our sexuality as we do.

She is encouragement and support personified.

Personally, I've only been published once, and it was thanks to her that I am. She saw merit in one of my shorts, and took a chance at including it in an anthology that has now been on the top of Amazon's Literature & Fiction list since it's release. I am honored to be included amongst the great names in Frenzy.

So, today, I wish our very own Trollop, Alison Tyler, the happiest of birthdays. And thank her for being who she is. (and follow the link above to party hop, drink your fill, and meet some very interesting and kinky people).

I hope Sam spoils you rotten, spanks you until you can't sit straight, and then serves you dinner with a smile (and nothing else).