I'm talking in my head.
The writers block. The wall is so high that if you cut my skull open, I'm sure it could be seen from space.
But I'm not going to complain - not now. Because it's Christmas, and it's a tough one already. Not one day has gone by this month that I haven't cried. But that's to be expected, right?
I know my dad would want me to go on - to have the Christmas spirit and continue all the traditions that we've established.
We're lucky we got the tree up this year.
My mom can't listen to any music - hasn't been able to since he passed. When she's not home, I put on the carols. Try to get some Christmas spirit going.
We used to have a "war" in the house - Jimmy Buffet's Christmas Island v. The Carpenters Christmas Album. Guess who's was who's? It kind of left the kids in the middle. My brother didn't care too much. Me? I love both.
So I've been listening to both.
Now, unfortunately, I don't know how to put something up on youtube. And my dad's favourite Jimmy song isn't on there. It's called Merry Christmas Alabama (Never Far From Home). I'd love to put it up here for everyone to listen to. (If anyone can figure out how I can do that, please LMK).
What I will do is put up one of my favourite carols - sung by the incomparable Lea Michele (yes she's on Glee, but her vocals are just incredible).
Hopefully I can find a way to make a few more posts before the holidays are over.
I think it's what my dad would have wanted.
Merry Christmas, every one.