There's No Going Back

Twenty years it's been
Since you had to let me go.
Leave me to my own devices,
to fend for myself
to prove what I know.

You imparted all your wisdom,
gave me what you could.
Put my feet on the path I needed,
but how could you know
that it forked within the wood?

And I took the path less travelled,
though it was clear that it was wrong.
I mad some very bad decisions,
that we're mine, and mine to own.

For years I've wished I'd listened,
as I walked your hallowed halls,
and embraced what I was given,
in the years you called me yours.

If I could turn back the clock,
if I could turn back time,
I'd do it all again,
by the rules of your design.

Then maybe there'd be less regret,
and a lot less pain,
if I could just go back,
and be in high school again.


© 2013 Miz Angell

GAHHH - Behind, AGAIN...Naturally

Hell, I barely get my submissions in by deadlines, usually squeaking through at the very last minute (like 11:59pm the day of). So that's why I'm not surprised to find that I am LATE starting NaPoWriMo - which I have to say is a hell of a lot easier for me to deal with than NaNoWriMo.

For those who don't know the difference - April is National Poetry Writing Month (NaPoWriMo - get it?). So us aspiring poets write a poem a day for thirty days. And NaNoWriMo is in November, and that is National Novel Writing Month, and the goal for that is to write 50,000 words in 30 days. I SERIOUSLY failed at that one.

BUT, I have managed, once or twice, to complete NaPoWriMo. And will attempt to do so this year again.

And so without further gilding the lily and with no more ado (been watching A Knight's Tale a few dozen times this week), I bring to you, my hotties and heaux, my first TWO offerings for NaPoWriMo 2013!


the beginning

in my haze of chaotic thought, 
I forgot the month, forgot the plot. 
Slipped from my mind, my course, my route; 
for life is real, & I am not.



oops

excuse me forgetting
these things that i do
i never know where
i'll end up or with who

when you ask where i've been
and i've no answer for you
don't assume the worst
that i'm cheating on you

i just popped in
for a second or two
to see what was on sale, 
to see who was new

then i open the pages
and take a hard look
the words that are written
the roads that were took

and i say to myself
could i have done better
simply by changing one word
or letter

i'll ignore my to do list
and turn off the phone
and forget that i've got
somewhere to go
 
and i`ll sink into a chair
or into the floor
and read and study
until the book is no more

and for that few hours
of my life and my day
who was i with?
i really can't say

was it macbeth, or gatsby
or heathcliffe or potter?
well whomever it was
it really won't matter

tomorrow is another day
another list of chores
and i'll do myself a favour
and ignore the bookstore


Those, my pretties, are my humble offerings for the beginning of this journey.

(I swear they'll get better).

Day Nineteen - Smiles

so many reasons
to be sad
in a world where
life is unpredictable,
where death is
indiscriminate,
where fate is
cruel even when
at her best.

so many reasons
to be mad
in a world where
those who work hard
don't always get
the spoils,
and those who get spoiled
never have to work hard.

so many reasons
for hate to reign
in a world where
religion causes war,
different skin
causes fear,
where a girl can't always
be a girl,
and a boy needs to
be a boy.

despite it all,
there are still so many
reasons to smile,
in a world where the sun shines,
and you can feel love
in the simplest of words,
or gestures.
it's not as easy to see
as hate, as sadness,
as anger.
 you must look harder
for the smiles,
but they are
worth all the effort.



©2012 (image found online - I do not own it)

Day Eighteen - Hidden

no where to run
no where to hide

my mind has shut me out
has put up the
do not disturb sign
on the door

force feed me reality
make me swallow
the injustice

no where to run
no where to hide

my heart has shut me out
has turned off the OPEN sign
and locked the front door

pour me a glass
of solitude
and sanity
but do not let me drink

no where to run
no where to hide

leave me outside
my home
but do not tell me
where the spare key is

leave me to rummage
through the dirt
the mud
the mire
to find it

no where to run
no where to hide

it shall stay hidden
it doesn't want to be found

it wants to be free

no where to run
no where to hide

i am cold


©2012

Day Seventeen - Hushed

I'm looking for answers

But there's none to be found

I'm waiting in silence

Just waiting for a sound

To dance with you again

Would ease the pain I feel inside

Just to dance with you

To music only heard by you and I

You left me all alone

Unprotected, open, free

No one there to stop the danger

The dangers I can't see

Through the rain and the pain

There's no one left to hold

I stand and call out your name

Silence answers,

more of the same

©2012

Day Sixteen (Prompt) - Patience

I need your patience,

more than I need your pressure. 

I wasn’t looking for anything, from anyone.

I was looking to find happiness within the confines of my life

and there was none to be found.

And then I met you.

From the first day, your eyes

seared into my memory – seared into my spirit.

I couldn’t get you off my mind,

and I couldn’t figure out why.

Then we talked more,

and I was able to see into your soul.

I was able to see your heart

and it melted mine.

I knew you were very special to me,

and I wanted to tell you,

but never knew how.

You took care of that for me.

When you kissed me, my heart jumped,

my legs buckled,

my soul wept for joy.

I found that feeling that had

eluded me for so long.

I have lived in lies and darkness

for years

and you showed me I could live a life

of truth in the light.

Please give me the time I need to escape it.

I have no desire to lie to you,

to keep secrets.

For once I have found someone

that I want to know everything about me.

Your honesty humbles me,

 your desire thrills me.

To have your heart would be

the greatest gift.

To have your forever,

would be an honor beyond words.

©2012 (prompt: discovery of a like soul in a world of prejudice)

Day Fifteen - Apocalypse

And so it comes to pass

That on this day

And in this life

All I have done

Means nothing.

And so we come to see

That everything changes

But nothing changes

And all is no longer

What it seems to be.

And now I see clearly

What lies ahead

As clearly as I see

What has gone behind

And now I can honestly say

I have no hope

We are doomed.

©2012

Day Fourteen (prompt) - Not For Me

I felt foolish

I felt betrayed

He held her hand

As he looked my way

I didn’t approach

Couldn’t move my feet

I just couldn’t talk

I heard the other girl greet

Them

What was he doing

In this children’s store

He told me he’d never marry

Being a dad would be a bore

He wanted adventure, travel

And no strings applied

He wanted to see the world

Do everything he’d never tried

But for me, marriage, the house, kids

Painted fence and lawn mowers,

It was everything I’d ever wanted

Even loud dogs and nosey neighbours

I thought I could change his mind,

Beyond every doubt

I’d be the one to show him family

Was what life was supposed to be about

A broken heart later

Several months for pain to linger

And here he was in front of me

A gold ring on his finger

The woman was with child

I could plainly see

He lied about wanting this

He just didn’t want me

©2012 (prompt - running into the "not the marrying kind" ex with his new pregnant wife)

Day Thirteen - Stand off

He stood in front of me

Waiting

I stood looking at him

Waiting

We looked at each other

Waiting

I opened my mouth

Wanting

His eyes grew concerned

Waiting

My voice froze

Wanting

His arms reached out

Hoping

My arms stalled

Waiting

He stood in front of me

Waiting

I turned around

Leaving

His voice called

Breaking

My heart ached

Dying

©2012