Paradise is definitely lost this year

This is where I am.

With this.....

and this....

Every year, for a few days, I come up north to enjoy some peace and quiet with the women in my family. We drink, chill, listen to music and enjoy each others company.

And drink. Lots. Lots and lots of alcohol is consumed in these four days. This year, with the tragedies that have befallen my family - the loss of my father in February and my aunt's divorce - things are a little more tense than usual.

Normally, I try to keep my mind blank and serene, enjoying the sun, the company, the scenery.

The peace.

But this year it just can't happen. So, as you might have read a few entries ago, I have put myself on a self-imposed deadline: to finish at least two of the works in progress that I have waiting for me on my hard drive.

The internet connection is sketchy at best, so I'm not sure how long this will take to post, if it even does. I can't get cell reception decent enough to call home, and I feel like I'm in the middle of a shit storm. 

My 18 year old cousin (the one who's parents are divorced) is being a 12 year old brat, screaming and swearing at her mother and calling her every name in the book. She didn't want to come to begin with and frankly, I didn't want to bring her. I swear that child is the BEST form of birth control EVER. My other cousin is feeling it, because she lost her mother six years ago, and she would do anything to have her back. When the screaming starts, I can see it in her eyes, how much she misses her mom. And that causes resentment. So there's just tension.

Lots and lots of tension.

Which means more alcohol consumption. Which I am just fine with, and am eagerly participating in.

This mini vay-cay is another reason that I extended the deadline on my contest. So, as of July 11, the contest is CLOSED. No more extensions - even if I only have one entry...

*blink blink*

*sniff sniff*

Although - I'm hoping that with the guest blog over at Unapologetic Fiction (thank you again to the lovely Sommer Marsden for having me), and with my wonderful friends following me on Twitter , I'll have at least a few entries to make it interesting.

And again, I promise to have a fitting, and interesting prize as well.

Now, I'm off for a refill.

And a set of earplugs.

Pimping out the Seasons...

Well, one anyway....Sommer (Marsden that is). I'll be back later with my day 28 contribution for NaPoWriMo.

(pimped out with gleeful permission)

"Have you ever been in love, Aurelia? For real?”

I stared at him, my heart feeling too small. Like it might fall all the way through my body to my feet.

“What do you mean?”

How fucking stupid of a question was that?

“Like your palms sweat and your upper lip feels tingly and your stomach churns so much you can’t tell if it’s good or bad. You’re more concerned for him at times than yourself. You think about him, dream about him, want to touch him randomly. Just to touch him. Like…if he hurts you, you can still forgive him, even if you wouldn’t forgive anyone else in the world. Like there’s not enough air when he’s not around. And sometimes when he is.”

He rattled it all off and my mouth got dryer and dryer and dryer. I thought of Jackson and my affection for him, but how easy it was for me to hurt him repeatedly to give myself solace. The other boyfriends who I promptly turned from when things got too sticky, too intense or they seemed to feel too much for me. Even the one guy—Chad— I was sure I had loved once upon a time at the beginning of college who I simply dumped one day and had never looked back.

He’d told me he loved me. I’d broken up with him and had never taken another of his calls. Woulnd't come to the door when he visited.

Johnny was waiting. I could feel him watching me as I remembered giving up the pain about Fallon--just letting it go. Chalking it up to his pain being expressed. His fear guiding him. I thought about hurting for him when he’d told me about his son. His loss. His rage at himself. I thought about all of it and how when he touched me it was like a fine mesh of electricity settling over my skin— an invisible net. Or how when he looked at me a certain way I wanted to open my mouth and say things I swore I never would.

Or how there never seemed to be enough god damned air when he was around. And even less when he wasn’t. I shook my head, bit my lip and echoed LL, “Nah. I don’t think so.”

Like what you've read? Head over to Unapologetic Fiction - Wanderlust and follow Really & Johnny's adventures from the beginning. Sommer Marsden is brilliant!

PS - have an answer for Johnny? Post it here - I'll pass it on to Sommer. I'll start - I have. And had my heart and soul ripped out because of it.