Overwhelmed....

There's the old joke. You can feel underwhelmed, you can feel overwhelmed, but can you ever feel just ... whelmed? What is WHELMED anyway?

Ok, so it's not very funny. But every time I think I'm overwhelmed I think of that. It's an automatic thing, something I wish I could just turn off. But anyway I digress.

So I'm in the final stretch for the current class I'm in - one more week until my final class and my final project is due. I have more of an understanding of what I'm supposed to be doing and I think I can pull this off. So I'm not so panicked about that.

I also have started doing this thing called "going to the gym". A foreign concept for sure, but I hear it'll help me lose weight and get healthier. And healthier is my aim for the long haul. But hey - if I can quit smoking cold turkey (been 39 days and going strong), I figure I can hunt down my "get-up-and-go" and get rid of this extra person I keep hauling around with me. I'm feeling confident for the first time in, what feels like decades.

Of course this comes in waves. Last night I was tossing and turning thinking of everything I needed to accomplish before I take a weekend away in August. There's the deadline for Sommer Marsden's anthology Coming Together: Hungry for Love with all proceeds to go towards the American Diabetes Association. I'm halfway through my submission, but I'm not sure I'm going to make the deadline. And then there's the call for short-shorts from the lovely Trollop with a Laptop, Alison Tyler. Those are due by August 15.

SIGH.

And then there are personal projects that I've set some self-imposed deadlines for.  Not to mention the day-to-day tasks that make up the business of living.

So you see, overwhelmed is exactly what I am right now. But, like the smoking, and this fat suit that I am (temporarily) wearing, I will get through this with flying colours.

Got something in the works kids. Stay tuned, because it's HOT.

An Introduction...

Of sorts anyway.

I would like to take today to welcome the newcomers to my audience. I know you're out there. And I hope that you enjoy Chicago. *wink*

I'm a busy bee today - the Queen of Procrastination as always.

Project for class - worth 30% of my grade. Due tomorrow - and yet not started. I do have to work tonight. ICK. But since I had all last week off the night job, I need the hours. Of course I could have turned down last nights show, but WHY would I want to do that?

I NEVER miss these guys when they come to town. Usually, it's at our home venue and a bunch of the staff buy lawn tickets, take the shift off and party our faces off. But since it wasn't at our home venue, and tickets were rather pricey - I decided to take the shift.

After all, there was no way I was missing this line up.

80's rock chick all the way. Talk about heaven! Seeing, for the first time, the rock goddess legend herself Lita Ford (who's drummer Scot Coogan was a HOOT -

Hey Scot! - try not to lose anything else ok?) was incredible. And as always, seeing Bret, C.C., Bobby and Rikki tear up the stage during their set was phenomenal. But no D.L. show would be complete without me practically drowning in my own - ahem - juices, when the Abs take the stage. That's right - this man here

Phil Collen. I don't need to know how much work goes into keeping those abs in that condition. I don't want to know. All I want to say is THANK YOU. 


BUT, what made my night was when C.C. walked by, and I said to him "Excellent set tonight C.C." and he replied with "Thanks angel. It's good to hear once in awhile."

SQUEEEEEE!

By the wayyyyy, and a NOTE TO ALL CONCERT / THEATRE MERCHANDISERS: Women have big breasts. Whether through Mother Nature or by our own choice/fault - we've got 'em. Can you PLEASE make the cute t-shirts in OUR SIZES???? The XXL of the t-shirt *I* wanted to buy last night barely fit over my head. Try using REAL WOMEN as models before you churn them out. This happens at every show I go to. The cute t-shirts fit the Barbie dolls. Those of us who are a little plumper or just have a DD chest or bigger are stuck wearing the men's shirts. And while they are appealing, they are more appealing ON MEN.

Capice?

Anyway, back to welcoming our new friends. If you're following from the road, I promise to try and not bore you to death. Check out the past posts - I promise they'll keep you *ahem* up at night. And keep checking back for new stories - you might see some people you know.

*wink*

Rock and Roll baby - ROCK AND ROLLLLLLL!

Above image found at  http://www.thoburnillustrations.com

Feelings...nothing more than...feeeeeelings...

Hi kids. I'm frustrated. Mostly with myself, but a little bit with life.

See, I haven't written anything in so long, and I mean ANYTHING. It used to be I was writing daily - maybe not posting anything, but it used to be that I had notebooks everywhere, filled with pages with snippets and character sketches, and plot points, and - well, you get my drift.

And if it wasn't creative, it was just venting. Even the most mundane things I would vent about. Usually the same shit - my weight, my life, my job, my family, etc. But at least it was writing. These days, I sit down (butt in chair - check), in front of the computer (hands on keyboard - check)...and promptly switch over to wasting time and distractions such as Facebook, Twitter, or the newest thing to catch my attention - Pinterest.

At this very moment, I should probably be working on a project for class on Thursday night. Because this is my only time to work on it. I mean, I have to work both jobs tomorrow, both jobs on Wendesday, and then by Thursday it's due. GLEEP. Do I have a damn clue what I'm doing?

Of course not.

I'm losing focus on my life. I was supposed to go to the gym today, to kick off my whole new "taking care of myself" cycle of life. I mean, I'm a month done on my smoking. Quit cold turkey and feeling good about that decision. I picked up my heart meds from the pharmacy yesterday and started taking them again this morning. Yay. But when it came to leaving the job to go to the gym, I drove right past my cut-off and came home.

To sit on the couch and watch tv.

I'm feeling like shit. I'm mentally exhausted. But when I go to bed at night, I come up with some amazing ideas for stories or books or even blog entries. But at that point, I'm too exhausted to even reach into my bedside drawer and grab the pen & notebook I have sitting there, just for that sort of thing. So I go to sleep, promising myself I'll remember in the morning.

Yeah, well, a dream about John Barrowman (Hell-O Captain Jack) or Lawrence Gowan (but *I* can call him Larry) and I'm all distracted when I wake up in the morning - totally forgetting what I had promised myself I would remember.

I'll reiterate - it's frustrating.

I'd love to have a dozen or more extremely creative excuses as to why this is happening to me but the truth is just as revealing, if not comforting or exciting. I'm giving up - on everything. And this isn't a "poor Miz Angell - life's so tough." type of post. It's a matter of fact.

There are days I feel it's just not worth it. I work two jobs, am not really important enough to count at either, and neither will pay the bills. I sort of enjoy one because I have friends I get to see, but even that is a little downer, because they're all the important people. So while I sit and guard a gate that no one uses, they're running around, dealing with the public and doing what needs to be done. Talk about feeling useless.

And then there's the whole personal life thing - which is just one big old mess that I can't get into. Let's just say I should have let mom send me to the nunnery when she wanted to. At least Jesus doesn't break your heart.

And then I read books on my Kindle that have been published and I wonder "WTF?" Because some of them out there are so bad...and then I remember, art, writing, music - they're all subjective. And it's a good thing because if we all liked the same art, music, writing, movies etc. - life would be boring.

I can tell I'm getting tired because this is starting to wander a little. I have to pick mum up at the airport. She's been in New Orleans for a week, and I envy her (the trip and time away, not the god-forsaken heat). I could use a little time away. But who's got the time or the money to take the vacation?

Certainly not this girl.

Anyway my friends (and that's pretty much all who's reading this anyway), thank you for letting me bare my soul for a bit. I apologize if it's brought your evening down. I promise to try to do better next time.

X's & O's....