Day Four - To Say Good-bye

Not my best work, but when there's too much to say, sometimes it's best to keep it simple.

We'll find a way to smile
to make it through
to honour our friendship
and remember you

inside we'll wonder
did you really know
how much you were loved
when you decided to go

we reached for you
to lift you up
to help you out
it wasn't enough

so now we're here
without saying goodbye
struggling with anger
and sorrow and lies

you truly were special
to so many you knew
yet you couldn't see it
maybe you didn't want to

we'll never know
what brought the end
we'll just lay it to rest
beside our friend

and we'll find a way to smile
somehow we'll make it through
and we'll honour our friendship
and ALWAYS remember you.

©2012     In loving memory of Ron "Cookie" Cooke (RIP 04/01/12)

Day three - Gone

Um, friends and I received some bad news today. In keeping with my personal challenge to complete NaPoWriMo, I just threw this together. It's not even close to being good. But there you are. Day three.


Gone

Good-bye isn't the right word
because this whole thing is
senseless and wrong

Farewell is too pretty
and there's nothing pretty
about you being gone

There's nothing to say
and no words left

We tried to talk to you
we tried our best

I can't speak for all,
just for myself,
but I'm angry as hell

We were here,
we wanted to listen
we wanted to help

Why didn't you just
call?


©2012

Day Two - Your Turn

(Here's the second poem for NaPoWriMo - tomorrow we'll be back to one a day. This was writtten from a prompt sent to me by a friend attempting to assist in getting through my writers block. )

Your Turn

So I'm writing this to tell you that I miss you.

I hate not knowing what's going on with you

I hate not being able to hear your voice

I had a dream the other night that 

only you could help me through

and I can't tell you about it

And I know you'll never see this

and I know I put the distance there

but it's now up to you to cross it

My wheels are flat from months

of traveling over broken promises,

bullshit tales,

and tears of glass

to get to you.

your turn to fight the elements,

your turn to cross the desert

to get to me.

but i guess you don't think the trip

is worth it.

too bad.

because if you really knew what you were

missing now,

you have no idea

how good you could have had it

in the future.

I only get better.

take care.

©2012

NaPoWriMo - here we go again!

Ok, so I'm a day late. I was no where near a computer yesterday as I needed to do the work thing (yes on a Sunday - don't be judging!).

I was astounded to find that it's already April - and it's once again National Poetry Month. Which means it's NaPoWriMo time. A poem a day for thirty days.

This was something I WAS able to accomplish last year, a fact I am quite proud of. (As opposed to my major fail at NaNoWriMo which we won't get into). I intend to do it again this year.

So today, I present you with TWO poems. The first of which is complete, the second of which I will need to mull over a bit before posting.

Here we go!

The Sound

That voice, with its

shallow lows,

and soaring highs;

the rich, lush

palatable syllables 

that squeeze the breath

from my lungs

and still the beat of my 

heart.

That voice,

which haunts my 

waking silences

and drowns 

my every thought.

That voice, 

which falls from those

soft, easy lips,

followed by 

that addictive smile,

and using 

a loose, pliable

tongue.

Those lips that once

kissed the love

in mine,

that tongue, 

which once 

found my words,

that smile,

which once mirrored mine.

That voice,

and all it is,

belongs to love,

belongs to loss,

belongs to my past,

and not my future.

That voice,

will often bring

tears to my eyes.

That voice,

will eternally

be my ghost.

©2012

We interrupt this silence for an important announcement....

Hello. My name is Miz Angell, and this is my blog. Which some of you might have forgotten, considering my periods of lengthy absense. I've almost forgotten myself.

I know I often use the excuse there's so much to do, but in this case - there really was. We were doing renovations on the old homestead. The basement, after being my apartment for fifteen years, has been turned back into a basement. *GASP* I know right? What a concept. The spare room on the main level which started out as a den, where I'd been staying since my dad passed last year, was converted into a proper bedroom, complete with hardwood flooring to replace the ancient carpet, knocking down a wall, and a totally new paintjob. So new furniture had to be purchased, and a whole lot of spring cleaning has to be done.

This whole reno kind of sucked for me. I mean, I knew it was coming, but it was all kind of manic and thrown together. I didn't really have a chance to sit and really think about what I wanted to do with the room. It was kind of - the guys are here, pick a floor, pick a wall colour, go get the shit and let them do their thing. I just wound up at Home Depot looking at one of those pre-fabbed rooms in the paint brochures. The floor was the same colour as the one I'd chosen, so I just handed the girl the pic and said "I need that paint." Which means I wound up with purple walls with white trim (and I love purple, but hate white). But such is life. Hopefully this will just be a brief stop-over, and a selling point for when the house is put on the market. I still have my furnished apartment in my head - maybe one day it'll be a reality.

I still need a dresser (which I don't want to get cuz I have limited space left and the space I do have I want for a cozy reading chair), a bookshelf, blinds, and frames for some very important (to me) artwork. I also MAYBE need some hovering shelves somewhere because I won't be able to fit all my pictures on the walls....GLEEP. So much to do.

The good news? I will FINALLY have a desk. I mean, a REAL desk. Where I can sit and write and be creative and close the door and NOT have to worry that anyone wants to come in to watch tv or use the other computer or just annoy the shit out of me. I'm so excited! I still need to find a really cool chair to go with it and have been checking out antique markets and craigslist, kiijiji, etc. - but until I do, any old chair will do.

So, this means that I will now be cranking out the creative stuff that's been pooling inside my grey matter for the last few months. I will have a safe haven, a real place to sit and gather my thoughts.

When it's all said & done, I will share via pictures.

I'll be back (sooner than later this time). 

2012 already???

WOW - has it really been so long since I've been back?

So sorry. *hanging head in shame*

Life's been a little, complicated, if you will. My personal life is being shaken up like a martini, and my writing has suffered greatly because of it. And I'm so disorganized that it hurts sometimes. I know a few writers who can understand that. I am making more of an effort to be organized though, and hopefully it'll all come together soon enough.

I've done a few submissions, and worked on a few of my WIP's. But mostly, I'm mourning. Not just my father, but my grandfather who passed on January 22. Suddenly, I have more responsbilities and I'm wondering how I'll ever get anything done.

Today is the one year annivesary of my dad's passing. And I'm thinking about where my life is going. And at the moment, it's nowhere. I'm stagnant once again. I have to find a way to move forward. I have all the ambition in the world, until it comes to actually getting it done. My to-do list is ridiculously long. And at the top of it is "get your shit together woman!"  Of course that's been at the top since I graduated high school, all those oh-so-many years ago.

It's not just professionally, it's personally. I have friends who are always asking when we can get together, and it seems like there's never enough time - when in reality it's just a matter of getting my ass in my car and going. I know there's time to do everything - but then we're back to that organizational issue.

But I'm determined to get it done. Somehow, sometime, some way...yeah, all stuff I've said before.

Friends, readers, loved ones - bear with me.

I'll eventually get it right.

And I feel the need to post this for my daddy....

(sorry about the tears)

It's like the Great Wall of China up there...

I'm talking in my head.

The writers block. The wall is so high that if you cut my skull open, I'm sure it could be seen from space.

But I'm not going to complain - not now. Because it's Christmas, and it's a tough one already. Not one day has gone by this month that I haven't cried. But that's to be expected, right?

I know my dad would want me to go on - to have the Christmas spirit and continue all the traditions that we've established.

We're lucky we got the tree up this year.

My mom can't listen to any music - hasn't been able to since he passed. When she's not home, I put on the carols. Try to get some Christmas spirit going.

We used to have a "war" in the house - Jimmy Buffet's Christmas Island v. The Carpenters Christmas Album. Guess who's was who's? It kind of left the kids in the middle. My brother didn't care too much. Me? I love both.

So I've been listening to both.

Now, unfortunately, I don't know how to put something up on youtube. And my dad's favourite Jimmy song isn't on there. It's called Merry Christmas Alabama (Never Far From Home). I'd love to put it up here for everyone to listen to. (If anyone can figure out how I can do that, please LMK).

What I will do is put up one of my favourite carols - sung by the incomparable Lea Michele (yes she's on Glee, but her vocals are just incredible).





Hopefully I can find a way to make a few more posts before the holidays are over.

I think it's what my dad would have wanted.

Merry Christmas, every one.